Why I Walked Away From My Career in Fashion.

There’s no doubt about it, life in the Fashion Industry can be challenging. Not everyone stays the course. Sometimes expectations aren’t met. Or life veers in a different direction to what we had imagined for ourselves. We all have moments of struggle which test us - but it’s how we respond in those times which shapes our paths through our careers. And in the cut-throat world of fashion, sometimes that means acknowledging when its time to take a step back.

This interview tells the story of a highly talented individual with incredible potential, who was turned off the industry entirely due to the actions of a single colleague. It explores some of the obstacles which can be faced throughout a career in fashion, along with the effects it can have on mental health & wellbeing.

For understandable reasons, our interviewee has decided to remain anonymous.

I just want to personally thank this person for telling their story. It’s incredibly important to share these personal challenges which too often remain silent. They resonate with many, while also reassuring and bringing hope to others facing their own struggles.

What was it about being a Designer that initially drew you into the industry?

Since a young age I have always been very creative and into drawing. I would often make clothes for my barbies. My dad, an antique restorer, would bring me back swatches and samples of carpet he no longer needed from work. I would literally hand stitch the dolls into the clothes. At school I was very inspired by the designer Hussein Chalayan. During my textiles class I loved creating clothes inspired by him that had meaning and stories behind them. One piece I designed was a perspex raincoat, the hood would move over the head and around the neck like an armadillo's shell to represent protection. Another was a corset, where if you looked close enough you could see rib cages protruding, to represent anorexia in the fashion industry.

However I never thought that I would later become an accessories designer instead. Like many others in the industry, it was just the area of design I fell into from my first job and I continued with this throughout my career.

Name something you worked on that you are the most proud of?

For me this has to be my final degree collection. I made the choice as a textiles student to create a collection of clothes (normally you would just have a selection of printed swatches to show for your final degree). This was the one of the best decisions I have made. It did mean I had to work a little harder and have a mini crash course in pattern cutting, but it gave me the best viable chance of being spotted at London Graduate Fashion Week. Having a collection of clothes meant it would get shown on the catwalk and more people could see your work.

Not only did I get nominated for awards, my collection was flown to China by the British Fashion Council. But most importantly I was inundated with interest from companies wanting to hire me. The best thing was getting head-hunted by a major high street brand which was the kick starter to my career.

I had previously entered a design competition for that brand. I barely had time to put the entry together, but I managed a half-hearted effort at the last minute. I surprisingly still ended up winning!

Flash forward all the way to London Graduate Fashion Week and the same brand saw and loved my collection. They remembered me from before and hired me! My advice would be always go the extra mile, and do every competition even if you don't have time - you never know where it might lead.

What did you enjoy most about your career?

Despite the Fashion Industry's sometimes negative reputation, it does have it perks - like traveling. I was blessed to be able to travel many times a year for work from quite early on in my career. I went to China, Hong Kong and Tokyo for shopping trips and meetings. Tokyo was definitely a major highlight.

“I was unfortunate to have a severely unkind boss, who took great pleasure in bullying her staff. It was a nightmare. I felt like I was walking on eggshells in the office every day. “

What surprised or shocked you most about your experience in the industry?

I'm not sure I could say anything shocked me too much. I had heard some horror stories from friends who had already interned in the industry. Stories about interns working countless long hours through the night with little to no pay - other than maybe a taxi home if they were lucky. One of my friends had an entire collection worth of work stolen by the label she was interning for without receiving any recognition. I won’t name names, but it was a well-known luxury brand.

I remember hearing a particularly crazy rumor about a certain famous designer who made interns live out of her own house. Reportedly, she’d even occasionally force them to serve guests at her dinner parties. So in some ways I already knew what I was signing myself up for.

For me, I guess it was just sad having my fears confirmed when I went through certain negative experiences myself. Also the realization that there are individuals in this industry who will do anything to get to the top, while caring little about who they step on to get there. That being said, I think these people are a minority amongst a sea of kind and supportive creatives.

What were some of the hardest personal struggles you faced during your career?

During my time in the industry I took a long [mental leave of absence] due to stress. Most of the reasons behind this (surprisingly) don’t actually have do with the workload. I was unfortunate to have a severely unkind boss, who took great pleasure in bullying her staff. It was a nightmare. I felt like I was walking on eggshells in the office every day. The crazy part is, I was making this woman a lot of money so there was really no excuse for her behavior.

To make matters worse, I was constantly getting hounded by one of our clients - a well known fast fashion retailer. I was dealing with several buyers from this brand, who between them couldn’t decide who’s design requests to prioritize. As with everything in fashion, every task was always “super urgent”.

One day, I made the mistake of following my boss’ advice in standing up for myself. I told that client I wouldn’t be able to prioritize everything at the same time. Of course, the client then complained back to my boss, who consequently tore me to shreds - after following her own advice. This was just the cherry on top of countless similar incidents.

Shortly after, my colleague found me in a heap on the bathroom floor, struggling to breath. She could see what was going on and insisted I see a doctor. I followed her advice. The Doctor wrote to my boss explaining I would be taking a mental leave of absence. This was the first time I had a panic attack at work, but unfortunately it would not be the last.

After some time on leave, I faced relentless pressure from the company to return. They told me they would stop paying my sick leave if I didn't come back right away. Despite my doctor’s insistence that I wasn’t nearly ready, I went back. It was too soon. My colleagues supported me, but my boss continued to make my life miserable. Her countless phone calls and texts triggered nausea, crippling stomach pains and more panic attacks. This woman would stop at nothing until I was completely mentally broken.

Unfortunately many of these negative stories don’t reflect well on the industry, but lots of positives can be taken away from them. These experiences give you a good back bone. You learn how to stand up for yourself, and realize you never want to treat anyone in the same way. You will also meet plenty of friends for life who have all been through similar experiences. It's just a shame about the 10% who spoil it for everyone else. 

“Eventually I realized - ‘you know what, I don’t have to put up with this anymore. So I’m not going to’. I needed to breathe, figure out who I was again and what I wanted from my life.” 

So at what point did you decide to take a break from the Fashion Industry?

I finally got to the stage where I was like, “there has to be more to life than this”.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn't all doom and gloom. Outside of work I had an incredible social life, and an amazing group of friends who made my time in London the best. We created so many amazing memories. But there was still always something missing.

I was fed up of being stressed all the time, and hated being anxious to even pick up my phone when my boss would text or call.

By then I had already built up a strong backbone from that negative work atmosphere I endured. I could have carried on and stayed there. But after a while it starts grinding you down. I was mentally drained. Eventually I realized - “you know what, I don’t have to put up with this anymore. So I’m not going to”. I needed to breathe, figure out who I was again and what I wanted from my life. 

Not to mention - I was at a point when I was looking to meet a decent guy, and there definitely weren’t many of those in London! 

My lifeline finally came when my brother, who lived in Ireland with his wife and kids, called me during my lunch break one day.  He said, ‘why don’t you come and live with us for a year? Have a break and work out what you want to do with your life….’ Without hesitation, I jumped at his offer! 

Four years later and I am still here!

Things started getting better immediately. I met my now husband within the second week of moving to Ireland. I definitely made the right decision for myself at the time. I was so much happier enjoying a stress free life, even my family couldn’t believe what a different person I was.

Do you miss it?

Being a creative, I will always miss the industry. It gave me a sense of purpose and drive. I did receive a lot of offers for opportunities to return when I left, but for me it was too little too late. Sometimes I forget just how bad it was and contemplate going back into it - then I have to remind myself.

“Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build their’s.”

While you were working, during moments of self doubt (if any), how did you build yourself back up?

I think the only time I doubted myself was when trying to apply for another job - something I’m sure a lot of people can relate to. My boss at the time made me feel like I wasn’t good enough, which made me think I didn’t stand a chance somewhere else.

But in those moments I just just had to realize “I must be good if I'm making this much revenue for them, and they're taking me all over the world for meetings”. People can be very manipulative when they know how good you are at your job. You just have to believe in yourself and not let it get into your head.

Name the biggest overall lesson you have learnt from your experience in the industry?

Life is too short to be stressed all the time! Its important to prioritize yourself and your happiness over anything in your career.

If you could go back in time and give your 20 year old self any advice what would it be?

Stay true to yourself. Don’t let the people or environment around you change who you are.  

What does the future hold for you?

I would still love to have my own creative business. Being my own boss is a must for me! Yes it comes with its own stresses, but at least I’d be in control of them. I would love to have a business that has a positive meaning behind it. Something that helps others as well as myself.

I always love the saying, ‘Build your own dreams, or someone else will hire you to build their’s’.

By Emma Golley and anonymous

‘Stay true to yourself, don’t be influenced by the environment around you, or let it change who you are.’